THE IN BETWEEN THINGS

Who would fare better in this world of fitful time? Those who have seen the future and live only one life? Or those who have not seen the future and wait to live life? Or those who deny the future and live two lives?


I often wish that I could see my future, or at least know how everything is going to pan out. Will I get married, will I have kids, will I even get through med school to think about having a family, will I GET INTO med school? But when I think about it, if I knew my future, I would be miserable. Instead of helping, knowing would be hurting me.

If I knew my future I would do the exact opposite of “living only life.” If I knew that I was going to meet a really great guy that I was going to marry, I would not date. I would say no to anyone who asked for my phone number, because I would know that that relationship would only be temporary. It would not last forever, so what is the point? If I knew I was going to get into med school I would stop working so hard in high school. I would know that I am going to get in to and that everything is going to work out, so what is the point in working so hard now? There is a point. That point is called life. Life is not life without let downs, disappointments, hard work, and sometimes pain. It might take five serious relationships before I find my husband, but every boyfriend, every heartbreak, every betrayal and disappointment up to that point is needed. I might change my major twelve times before I decide that I am ready for medicine. But every decorating, fashion, and marketing class up until that point is necessary. Sure you might be happy knowing how your life is going to end up, but you will only be living for that end result. Everything in between is called life, and it is what makes the end result so worth waiting for, working for, hurting for.

I would say that those who “deny the future and live two lives,” are people who simply live in the moment. Right now, not later, not an hour ago, right now. Personally, I admire people who live in the now because I consider them more risky, impulsive, and in a sense carefree. I cannot say that living like this way would make you unhappy, because I do not know. This lifestyle involves not knowing the future and not caring enough to wonder. Decisions are made right then; things are done at that moment without any thought of how they might affect the future. I would think it would be very hard to be happy living this way. Unless I at least consider the future when making decisions I worry that my decisions are hasty and will result in failure.

The future is something I will never know, so why not “wait to live life” as it comes? Living this way requires acceptance. I am a control freak, but not your typical one. I am not the obsessive cleaner or even Ms. Organization; I just like to know that I am in control of my life. I like knowing that I can fix situations. I like knowing exactly what is going to happen. Because I think living not knowing the future is the best way to live, I have to accept or at least attempt to accept that I cannot control the future. It is something I have absolutely no control over, whatever is going to happen will happen. But the hardest part of living this way, is knowing that the future will come regardless, so there is no since is worrying so much about it. Yes, make your decisions around future plans but sensibly. Your future should not control all the decisions you make, especially because you do not know your future. It is comforting in a way, that no one can tell you what is going to happen, not even yourself. So I try to take one day at a time, think ahead, but realize that it will come when it comes so I might as well enjoy life and live it now.